I am reading ambition monster by
- I am really enjoying the early chapters which are mostly about her childhood. Her recent NYT article documented the link between her difficult childhood and trauma and why she was a great employee. In it, she writes:“ I was unnaturally driven to prove my own competence; so unable to absorb criticism that I’d work to avoid it at nearly any cost.”
The article hit home for me. I often think about the role of my own childhood in pushing me down the path to a public policy - not writing- career. I really overshot it, am now at a level of accomplishment not dissimilar to Jenn (albeit in a totally different industry).
During early years of my career, I lived and worked in refugee camps - often in really difficult conflict contexts. The work took on a purpose of propping up my self esteem. It also had the added value of being incredibly purpose-driven work. In my roles, I could easily confuse my own self regard and how much I poured into helping others.
Moving on fro that space, the adrenlinine I felt for my work disipated and I often want to run back to it. Work might give us an initial hit of esteem, but it’s never enough. And the chase is downright exhausting.
I have shifted into trying to find purpose new places. Slower places, softer places, places with more compassion for self. It’s a difficult transition.